January 2009
do you ever wonder about your job? I do. This causes a downward spiral into how pointless and utterly retarded it is.
Conversation about my eating habits
Coworker 1: Do you always eat your spaghetti with chop sticks?
Me: No just here at work.
Coworker 1: Why?
Me: Because I was losing the silverware I was bringing. So I brought cheap chop sticks and actually haven't lost it yet.
Coworker 2: Why not just bring the disposable plastic spoons and forks?
Me: Because that would be wasteful. I can even use chop sticks to eat rice.
Coworker 2: You are a... *elaborate hand motions*
Me: Odd?
Coworker 2: No. Just *more hand motions* a man of many talents.
At least I know for a fact that he'll write me...
Me: Not scared of monsters ever again! You know why? Last night Shannon told me in passing conversation that he is the King of The Closet Monsters and that I now have his protection, so none of the other closest monsters will mess with me anymore. Score!
Caleb: What if there is a rogue closet monster?
Me: Well he must be king for a reason. One must outwit and be stronger than all the other monsters. I’m not sure if he’d fight them for me or not but I’d like to think so.
Caleb: Well you know in Kingdoms there are rogues and bandits and villains that oppose the law. Even in pack animals you’ll get a rogue lion or rogue wolf. And sometimes they can gather enough strength to over throw the King, then they will all take up residence in your closet because protection was given to you…
Me: At which point there will be a civil war and your people will become involved, because I, for the first time in my life, will be the woman in need of protection and saving. You wouldn’t let them eat me alive, I just know it.
Caleb: Well I run with the under the bed monsters and basement monsters (they are actually the same thing). We don’t have kings, just clan systems.
Me: You told me you were going to become their king. You liar!
Caleb: It was high hopes, not lying, You know how difficult it is to unite a few hundred clans? That’s a lot of work. I can’t even match my own socks.
Me: LAZY. I’m going to be sucked into my closet because you’re lazy.
Caleb: Well it makes a better story if you get sucked into the closet first, then I send in my clan of under-the-bed and basement monsters (but not cellar monsters those are something totally different). There is a glorious battle, lots of lives lost, a tragedy, and an epic ending. If there was just a war between the two, that’s just barbaric and not a good story.
Me: Fucking writers. Making me suffer for the sake of a story. You better retell it well! Make me FANTASTIC.
Caleb: I always tell a good story.
Amy's addition - That's my Caleb!
Caleb's addition - I would like to say also that even though she may be maimed, manhandled, and other horrible things done to her that closet monsters do to people at least in the end she will come out stronger and again it will make a good story. Also I know. All of you are jealous you can have a crazy brain like mine.
I was walking the dogs one last time before bed and we stopped. I looked up at the sky. I do love a winter’s night sky, especially when it is completely clear. It is so beautiful so pristine. It allows my spirit to soar. In that moment I feel peace. Silly I know but the simple act of gazing upon a winter’s night sky is so rewarding to me. Goodnight everyone
Mean lizard loose in your apartment = not good
mean lizard loose in your apartment + terrier with high prey drive = REALLY not good
Dog kennels and towels = wonderful and harmony restoring devices.
Confession
amycarr:
beenthinking:
The influx of Facebook birthday wishes from long lost or peripheral friends (always early – must be the day they must notify “friends” of upcoming dates) feels intrusive and weird.
We all know you didn’t really spontaneously remember on your own – just like I didn’t really remember yours. I’m not sure I’m comfortable with this era of synthetic sincerity…or prefab...
Oh My →
This creation was concieved by the Nephew of one of my coworkers. He called her and told her he was put on the new york times, then by nine this morning was contacted to do a showing at the superbowl. He has also been asked to do an interview on a local station and on one national morning show (sorry not sure which was only partially paying attention).
“Cor you must be the coolest person in Bangor.. I mean, you have all your teeth!...”
– in an email from a friend who is astounded that I live so far up here. *note - I love it! People who haven’t been up here love to dog Maine but it’s pretty sweet actually. (via c-quoia)
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I’ve been to Maine twice and find it to be wonderful and people kind
“Here is a technique that I find very helpful in reminding me to keep a work/life...”
– Remarks by Sandra Pianalto President and Chief Executive Officer Federal Reserve Bank of Cleveland Ursuline College Graduate Commencement 2004 Friday, May 21, 2004” (via mykol78) (via c-quoia)
“You’re not your job. You’re not how much money you have in the bank. You’re not...”
– Tyler Durden (via movieoftheweek) (via shanarama)
So many wonderful lines from that movie.
ug my head hurts
Boy pleads innocent to impersonating cop -... →
(via amycarr)
I don’t like the sound of crunching. At certain points I can ignore it but there are times I can’t. Any time I am eating something that’s going to crunch I often try to muffle it, unless there is music or a movie going then I don’t have to. One thing that really does bother me is when people walk up and down the cubicle rows crunching away at nuts, ice, chips, etc…...
My Chaos is all restored
there was a power outage earlier this evening. I packed up all my plants (which is a lot) and moved them into the pet room. Then I broke out the catylatic camping heater screwed on the fuel tank and put it in the pet room and closed the door. Thankfully the power wasn’t off too long. But my living room wasn’t feeling right without all my plants in here. I have just now moved them...
I think they are confused
I have a salad mix in my fridge. It is called “Spinach and Spring Mix” that’s all well and good except you look at it and it says “a product of the USA” wwwwwhooooaaaa put on the breaks here *ssssssccccrrreeeeeccchhhhhh* I don’t know but I look outside and I see snow on the ground. The temperature says its 18.5 degrees outside and the Calendar tells me we are...
my neighbors choice of music interests me. They are three hispanic men probably midtwenties and since they moved in I’ve heard the sterotypical hispanic music, hard rock, classic rock, pop, stuff that sounded like “woman empowerment” music, rap, and today what sounded like new age instrumental.
c-quoia:
I just spent about 10 minutes looking for something to open a beer with-spoon, keys, scissors, anything. The only lighter I could find wasn’t doing the trick. Then I realized that I have not one, but two bottle openers stuck to my fridge…so now I am having a beer while I laugh at how dumb I am.
At least a knife wasn’t used *hint hint jillian*
“A mind that is stretched by a new experience can never go back to its old...”
– Oliver Wendell Holmes (via jilllian)
I can’t read this quote without getting either comical or gorey imagery flash through my mind.
“The Internet, an immeasurably powerful computing system, is subsuming most of...”
– Nicholas Carr’s Is Google Making Us Stupid (via thisrevolution) (via isthisblood)
Confession:
jilllian:
I like to play with gum.
Not while chewing it, because my hands are filthy and the idea of wrapping gum around my fingers and then chewing it some more really grosses me out.
I mean after I’ve chewed it for a while and it’s kind of… tough. When I’m taking it out because I’m done with that piece.
I realize it grosses other people out to see me doing it, so I play nice usually and...
all my friends are leaving
me: oh my God you only have one more weekend don't you! Well I'll be incapacitated, I can come watch you pack.
Jonathan: you can watch as i individual bubble wrap each book....
me: whatever I'll pop all those bitches
Jonathan: you would not!
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This reminded me of Jill.
It must be idiot's day
Coworker Upstairs Calling me: I have a file you sent back and it says on it "registered to another lender" I don't know what that means.
Me: It means that another lender still has control of it.
Coworker Upstairs Calling me: Well what does that mean.
Me: It means they haven't transfered under our control
Coworker Upstairs Calling me: ...
Me: We can not work on it until they give us control over it.
Coworker Upstairs Calling me: Ooohh... I'm going to need to talk to someone about this.
Me: You do that.